At the root of it, what we all want is just love.
We want to belong to someone.
Someone who smiles every time they see us.
Someone who likes us just the way we are.
And you know what? It’s not just the dream of women.
Men dream of finding a woman who likes them just the way they are, smiles at them with her heart in her eyes, and wants a life with them, not just a relationship.
The stereotype of men “only wanting one thing” is wrong. Men tend to be more romantic than women. They tend to believe in love at first sight more than women. They want marriage as much as women.
But today, in the 21st century, there’s a massive barrier in the way of love.
A barrier that was never there before to this extent.
It’s mistrust.
Women don’t trust men. Men don’t trust women.
As AI creeps into dating apps, it’s becoming impossible to know if the person you’re chatting with is real or not.
You may fall in love with this incredible guy… only to find out he’s “chatfishing” you (using AI to write his messages).
Men have pulled away from women because they’re worried she’ll have a bad experience and post about it all over social media (or, even worse, report him).
Some even hesitate every time they message a new woman, knowing it’s possible she could screenshot their messages and post them online for strangers to eviscerate.
The gender mistrust goes both ways.
There’s no easy solution, but there’s an obvious way forward:
Get off the devices. Get together in real life.
Because real life is full of subtle cues, body language, pheromones, and a whole host of other signals that help us know whether to trust this person.
Our bodies were built to respond to other human bodies.
And our bodies are smarter than we are, with hundreds of thousands of years of training in accurately sensing safety and danger.
Love is a full-body experience.
It’s not just a mind meeting a mind.
It’s not just a hot sensation of chemistry and excitement.
It’s your body relaxing in complete safety and trust next to another human being.
It’s knowing you can fart and be silly and make a funny face at him, and he’ll just love you even more.
So if you want love…
Then work on finding someone you can trust.
Work on building that trust slowly over time. (Friendship is a remarkably underrated way to begin a relationship.)
And whatever you do, don’t succumb to toxic game-playing dating advice that promises to hook him… at the expense of losing his trust for good.
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