resisting what is

Can’t Accept It’s Over

When the worst thing possible has happened to you, all you can think about is undoing it. Taking it all back. Refusing to accept reality. Not believing in what's just happened. If you just think long enough and hard enough, maybe you can undo what's been done. You spend hours, days, raging inside your head.…

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Not good enough

When Nothing You Do is Good Enough

John was happy, confident and successful when he met the woman he would marry. She bowled him over. She was vivacious, gregarious, and the life of the party. It wasn't until they moved in together that he noticed a shift in her. When they were home alone together, she would confess her suspicions about their…

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Death of a marriage

The Death of a Marriage

"Our marriage ended when I lost respect for my husband," Jan said thoughtfully. "I loved that man so much. I admired him and respected him and thought the world of him. To me, he was like a movie star and a sage all rolled together. I felt so lucky to be with him. "It took…

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Get over it

Just Get Over It

"You gotta be tough." "Can you get over it already?" "No one likes a victim." When you're struggling in your relationship, a lot of people are going to give you advice. They mean well. They see you in pain, and they want you to get over it so you can go back to being the…

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I’m Right, You’re Wrong

It's one of the biggest struggles in every relationship:¬†How do you get your partner to see sense and realize you're right? Back when you were single, you didn't have to think about convincing anyone else to do what you wanted to do. You just did it. If you wanted to go camping, or decorate your…

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Be brave

Stop Being Brave

I was in the bedroom, sobbing into a pillow to muffle the sounds. I told myself over and over again, "Be brave. Come on! You gotta be brave." But I didn't feel brave. I felt terrified. My relationship was falling apart, and I didn't know what to do. Years later, I looked back on that…

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There’s Nothing Wrong, Really

"Our marriage is just fine. I don't know what he's on about. He should be grateful he's married to someone like me. After everything I've done him..." "Sure, we have our problems, just like every other couple. But it's nothing to get freaked out about. We don't need couples counseling. The only reason I agreed…

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I’m Not Going to Argue with You

Ever had someone say that to you? You're having a discussion, and it's going in a direction they don't like. So they shut you down: "I'm not arguing with you about this." It's like a bombshell. You open your mouth, only to realize there's no possible response to that. You're confused. You weren't arguing; you…

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Counselor office

Why Counseling is So Scary

I grew up in a family that used therapy as a threat. If there was something wrong with you, you needed to see a psychiatrist. You were a sick person. You needed help. Even as an adult, I still come across this perspective. Want to really, really hurt someone? Tell them they're sick. Tell them…

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When It’s Time to Let Go

It's the hardest decision anyone will ever make: Should you stay in your marriage ... or should you end it? For many years, I toed the party line. I followed the National Marriage Project, which reports on the state of marriage in America. I made note of the research stating that children are happiest in…

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