I’m Not Going to Argue with You

Ever had someone say that to you? You're having a discussion, and it's going in a direction they don't like. So they shut you down: "I'm not arguing with you about this." It's like a bombshell. You open your mouth, only to realize there's no possible response to that. You're confused. You weren't arguing; you…

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Counselor office

Why Counseling is So Scary

I grew up in a family that used therapy as a threat. If there was something wrong with you, you needed to see a psychiatrist. You were a sick person. You needed help. Even as an adult, I still come across this perspective. Want to really, really hurt someone? Tell them they're sick. Tell them…

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When It’s Time to Let Go

It's the hardest decision anyone will ever make: Should you stay in your marriage ... or should you end it? For many years, I toed the party line. I followed the National Marriage Project, which reports on the state of marriage in America. I made note of the research stating that children are happiest in…

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Real love

What Real Love Looks Like

"I'd say he respected me 100% until we got engaged. Then his respect for me dropped about 20%, which I thought was due to the stress of planning the wedding. But by the time we hit our honeymoon, his respect for me hit 10%, if that. And it stayed at rock bottom the entire time…

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Why You Should Make Your Partner Mad

"You can't solve anything by pissing each other off! What good would it do to make him angry? He'll just shut down, and that will be the end of the conversation." Jill was definitely not going to talk to her husband about the way he was dealing with his daughter—Jill's stepdaughter. She had major concerns…

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When You Know Your Marriage is Over

That sick feeling in your gut. That knowing. You're losing him or her day by day. You're trying. You're doing everything you can think of. Bringing her flowers. Cooking his favorite foods. Complimenting her on her dress. Giving him a back rub. And nothing. Your attempts at connection are met with a wall of silence.…

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